What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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