I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
