I want to make a zoo with you.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
