We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
