That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
