okay pat passed out under dana's car
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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