We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
