they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
