Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
