census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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