Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
