I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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