just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
