she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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