How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
