Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
