I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
