I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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