Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
