I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
