we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
