he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
