I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
