Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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