I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
