Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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