Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
