The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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