my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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