It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I have post one night stand depression
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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