he wants to bone in the snuggie
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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