Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
