Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
