If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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