Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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