i jhust puked up my retainher.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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