haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Michael Bay diarrhea
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
This show inspires me to have sex in space
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
