Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
