She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
