i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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