Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
