IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
