Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
