Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
