i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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