Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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