Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
