just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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