I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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