Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
