Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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