You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
