I need help removing her.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
