Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
