found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
